I've been sober for over 4 years now, I've stopped counting the days, in fact I never did count the days, I just kinda would reflect back every now and then and be blown away that I have actually not drunk alcohol in so long!

Especially, looking back on my life, all my photos on FB where I'm completely off my face. I loved it. I just fucking loved drinking so much. I thought I would be drinking for my entire life. I never wanted to change.

I would think, when I'm old I'm going to still be snowboarding and drinking until the day I die.


Alcohol was my friend. Alcohol made me look cool (or so I thought), alcohol helped me act confident (when I wasn't), alcohol brought me lots of friends (most of them aren't in my life anymore), alcohol gave me something fun to do when I was bored so I never got lonely, alcohol was every where, it never left me, it gave me so much certainty.


It was the one thing that stayed certain and steady in my life, when my life was so full of uncertainty, danger, risk and adventure!

I thought of myself as the "party animal". That was my role. It's my job. I was expected to organise the parties and the drunk adventures, be the first one there and last to leave, the free spirit, the one who doesn't care for authority (but still needs a job to pay the tab at the end of the night)...

...it was my identity. Who I am. "I like to party, therefore I am the biggest party person and that is how I get my significance."

I did't get my respect from being reliable, responsible or caring, I got my respect from drinking the boys under the table (or so I thought).

None of this may be true. But I believed it. And belief is everything.

"Because I identified as the person who was the biggest party animal in my town (regardless of how accurate that was)... I, subconsciously, made it true by acting like it, by making decisions based on what my values are."

The top values of a party animal are...

1. Having Fun
2. Respect from certain people
3. Taking Risks
4. What other people think
5. Being Cool


Btw, this may not be for all party people, but for me it was somewhere along these lines (however, I would NEVER let anyone know that I cared about what other people thought of me).

This belief about who I am, this party animal, which comes with these values, standards, expectations, behaviours, attitudes etc. (oh yes, I could go on about each one of these)... was dictating my results.


And my results after years of being this party animal were...

- Broken
- Broke
- Stoned
- Drunk
- Depressed
- Angry
- Disappointed in myself
- Lonely
- Regretful
- Blame for myself and the entire world
- the list goes on, you get the gist...


So how did I change? 

How did I finally stop drinking? 

What was it that clicked in my head?


I decided to let go of being the party animal role I was playing.

I decided that I don't need to be that person anymore, the party animal isn't as good as I thought it would be.

I thought "Fuck! What are people going to think of me? They will think I'm letting them down. They will think I've changed. They will not want to be friends with me anymore" and god knows what other thoughts that came into my mind.

But then I thought "Fuck it! I don't care about what anyone thinks of me any more. This life (this role) sucks way too much to continue and keep caring about what other people think.

Btw, this isn't easy.


This role has kept me safe, this is the only role I know how to play confidently, this role is the only thing I know. I don't know who I am without this role. The party animal was everything I knew and without it I thought I was a nobody.


Even though I was resistant to letting go of the "cool", the "fun", the "friends", I said YES to myself and being the best person I can be, and I knew that whatever happened I would figure it out. This is MY journey now.

And the rest is history!... well, the rest is for another post because this one is an essay to say the least.

While the role I was playing was the "party animal" or "the rebel", there are so many roles that could be keeping you stuck in this cycle of drinking. You could be held back by beliefs, values, thoughts, behaviours, attitudes and standards that your role has decided for you, and you are not even aware of it.

If you are wanting to quit drinking alcohol, figure out what role you are playing and think about what it's really doing for you.

Because if it's one thing I've learnt by becoming a life coach, it's that you are NOT your role.

You are so much more than your role, and the purpose of your life is for you to let go of all the bullshit limitations that are holding you back, to access ALL of the roles you can, to access not just one little tiny part of you, but ALL of you.

You are incredible beyond your own imagination, and you can be everything you could ever want and even more if you are willing and ready to go on this journey.

Let me know if you are. Much love... Zay

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